Who am I outside a student? – Sara Murphy

In “Hull’s” (also Rose’s and Fraser’s and Castellano’s) Remediation as Social Construct obviously an emphasis was placed on “remedial” students. And while discussing remedial students should be (and is) of high importance and is by no means a lesser matter than other matters this article caused my mind to wonder how distinguishing between “remedial” students and “average” students e(a)ffects (one day my brain will remember the damn difference) “average” students.
The idea of remediation also has a great influence on the learning of “average” or “above-average” students – in a unique form. From my personal experience as a student, the “threat” of being a student that belonged in remediation, actual hindered my being able to truly and genuinely learn. I have always been an A student and grew up with a mindset that anything less leaves you a failure. Because of this I am discovering that all my schooling has essentially taught me nothing. Fear of ever being looked at as a remedial student, drove me to be a better student, but only that – a better student. Not a better learner or a more insightful and intellectual student…just a better student. I have spent my entire life in school, but not to learn. Only to be “better” than everyone else…to look “smarter” on an application…to get an “A”. I only learned how to bull crap an essay for an “A”…to write on average matters I understood, instead of pushing boundaries and expanding my thoughts and ideas for a C…but a C that actually allowed me to learn.
How remediation is treated is not only a threat to remedial students…it is a threat to all students and to our entire education system. Why has school become a place to be good at school (and only school) and to get “A’s” and not a place to learn? It defeats the entire purpose of having a public school system or any school system. The education system was established to expand and enhance the ideas of the general population so in the world outside of school they could evolve society and technology and so on. And, at least for me, the education system is just a place of competition and limitation. Yes, I can maybe do an average job at school, but can I actually benefit society in any way with this? I am learning that being a “good student” truly has nothing to do with how smart you are or what amazing ideas and thoughts you possess.
I have spent my entire education writing an essay to get an “A” instead of writing an essay to expand and learn. I have been going to class to get participation points instead of going to class to discuss ideas that could change our society and world. Education and especially the threat of remediation has formed me into a student…not a contributing member of society, not a teacher, not a person with great ideas….
A student…
And if that is all my education has shaped me into what will I become after my “education” is over?