The Only Thing I Know is That I Know Nothing (notes on “The Novice as Expert” & “Basic Work”)

The classroom was cold and stale, a cave before the lights were turned on. The air was refreshing against my sweaty skin after riding my bike to class. I was both a student and a teacher and it was all very perplexing and unnerving.

My mentor came in, sweaty as I was, breathless and full of life. I felt small. We discussed what he had hoped to do for that day and my body quivered inside. It had been so long since I had been on either side of a desk and now that I was on both sides, I wasn’t sure how to feel other than like a child…a novice.

Students began to trickle in and give me the same look I had anticipated…a look of curiosity sprinkled with territorial undertones. They were as unsure of me as I was of them. Luckily it was only their second day so change was still accepted, even if hesitant. I smiled and tried to feel out my mentor and how he felt about my presence in the class. He was welcoming and awkward and as small as I felt, he also made me feel like I belong…that he enjoyed my company and maybe it would bring him relief as I had heard horror stories of English 30.

It was evident that English 30 had a stigma to it, you could see it in the student’s eyes. They questioned why they were there and I too was still feeling out where we would go. My mentor was seasoned. He had seen those looks before and didn’t skip a beat. Maybe it was the enthusiasm of just one student, or maybe it was his energy and faith in what he was doing for them, but he quelled everyone’s fear, including my own. Would he squash my fears of the impending English 30 class? My nerves kicked in again.

There is something beautiful in the chaos of Eng 30. Was it possible to show the students the necessity of Eng 130 and 30? Was it possible to quell their fear and hate of writing? Could we help these students accept their new role as novice learners and be ok with working hard and growing as a student? Will they see or appreciate that? Are they willing to work with us and trust we are there to help? Do they know we are there to learn too? Can we come together as a community and make it work for everyone?

So many questions.

My mentor, my apprentice, he too is a novice, right? And shouldn’t he be? Not all students learn the same or react the same and every day and year is different with new ideas, and new problems to solve so aren’t we all novice no matter how many times we have or have not done this?

There is this feeling of dread when a “research paper” is mentioned and “sources cited” is uttered. But do these students have a chance to see these as opportunities to grow or as assignments they dread doing? Can we help them understand the purpose and do we even know what that purpose is?

Maybe it’s the way structured writing and assignments are presented in a student’s life from the moment they put pen to paper that brings about this feeling of obligation rather than pleasure. Students see assignments as “things to be completed” rather than an opportunity to grow and learn. How can we show them what they are learning is just a small part of the larger picture? How do we explain, even in our own doubt, that there is a reason and a purpose if only to show that they are capable of succeeding, even if it is a small victory at a time? You don’t start as an expert, you must work to get there and even then, there is always a chance to become a novice again. A new way of thinking, a new means of communication or tool, all of which change the playing field and then, change who we are. So how can we, in this world of ever-changing everything, can we find a “right way to do something?”.

Maybe that is the question to ask ourselves and look at it like the ebb and flow of an ocean. Unpredictable currents, tides, and algae blooms. Beautiful and chaotic and so much that goes on underneath that we cannot control it, we can only go with it. When living in Hawaii and learning to surf the one thing I was told that I will never forget is, “Never turn your back to the ocean or fight her. She will do what she is going to do, you can only swim with her”, and isn’t that what education is all about? We cannot control learning or force it or make it as we want it, we can only know we know nothing on a constant basis and just go with it. Because, as we are learning, we learn that there is no such thing as expert, only experience…and even then, that will change too…